My Rollercoaster

Life as an outcast is the world in which I live Slave of a system my freedom I refuse to give Happiness is unrealistic because it always comes to a end So why avoid the inevitable goodbye nothing hello end.

HAPPY BDAY TO ME

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE LOVE

SHE LIES

SHE TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY IT WOULD ALL MAKE SINCE

THAT THE LIES WOULD FIND TRUTH AND I WOULD KNOW SHE LOVED ME

WELL THE TRUTH IS A LIE TEN YEARS LATER, IS STILL A LIE

AND THE EMPTINESS INSIDE OF ME IS STILL PRETTY FUCKING CLEAR

I LAUGH BUT SECRETLY I WISH I COULD CRY

BUT REAL MEN DONT CRY, ISN’T THAT RIGHT!

ONLY WEAK INDIVIDUALS HAVE EMOTIONS 

SUCK IT UP AND DRIVE ON

LEARN TO LIVE WITH DISAPPOINTMENT BECAUSE THATS THE ONLY THING IN LIFE GUARANTEED

WELL, FUCK YOUR RULES AND INDECENT PROPOSALS 

I FOULD A LOOPHOLE AROUND YOUR TWISTED PLOYS

A SIMPLE CONCOCTION, A DRINKING GAME OF SORTS

PART ONE: ALCOHOL- NO GAME ISNT COMPLETE

PART TWO: A.A.POE- FOR MY MELANCHOLY WOES

PART THREE: A SHAKY 38 WITH TAPE AROUND THE GRIP

STILL BELIEVE I DONT HAVE THE BALLS

THAT IM JUST LIKE MY OLD MAN

WELL HERES TO YOU SWEAT-HEART  

A TOAST AND ADIEU 

WHY BOTHER

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE PAIN IS TOO MUCH TO BEAR

WHEN THE LIGHTS STARTS TO FLICKER AND THE END IS SOON AT HAND

REMEMBER THOUGHTS OF MARRY-GO-ROUNDS AND HOPSCOTCH 

THOSE WERE BETTER DAYS

NOW THE MIND IS CLUTTERED WITH ENVY AND DISTRACTIONS

ITS DIFFICULT TO COLLECT ONES THOUGHTS

PLAYING CHICKEN WITH YOUR LIFE AND UPSET EVERY TIME YOU WIN

YEARNING FOR A RELEASE A EXIT A FINAL END

WHEN DID LIFE TURN ON YOU

SHATTERING EVERY DREAM AND CAUSING DISMAY

TO DIE IS NOT TO END IT ALL

MERELY TO SAY GOODBYE TO TODAYS

I HATE/I CAN’T STAND

I hate the way she loves me

I cant stand the way she says i make her feel

Doesn’t she know i’m not good for her

Hasn’t she heard the news

I am hopeless and undesirable all wrapped into one

So why does she look at me as if i were brighter than the sun

I hate the way words fall from her lips

And lands down softly at my ears

I cant stand the way she looks when her hand is pressed effortlessly to her cheek

She exudes a light a glow an essence that’s is beyond what i can control

I am worthless and inexcusable but she tells me i can change

I hate that I cant stand her love

Because even though its true indeed

I cant stand but to hate being anything more than me

The Divorce

I can’t even recall when it went wrong

Or what I did to make you leave me this way

All i can do now is think about the past and wish on better days

I remember me and you in the beginning about three or four times in a day

Me and you were so perfect that people referred to me as You

I never feared of getting old because you were my youth

And now I see I’m left here with a sad and crumbling truth

I’m all alone now with know way to release my anxieties

So I guess its goodbye I will always love you POETRY

The Drowning

Tidal waves of feelings run across my mind

Shots of fire works letting me know its time

The calm before the storm

The demise of this abist

The serenity of silence

Lifes final kiss

Lyrical Suicide

Have you ever had dreams of playing Russian Roulette with a semi-automatic

Taking shots of bleach to cleanse the feelings you feel inside

How can I live when the person in the reflection makes me sick

I was told I could change, but change into what

I am flawed by design, born of Lies and Lust

If death is not the answer

What questions do I ask

I wear the mask that hides my truth

That the smile is disgust

And the laughter is lude

I claim to want to end it all

But in truth I’m to to pussy to try

I cut my legs and wrist just to see it bleed

The rush of walking the line

In hopes one day that I may slip

Maybe I will go further today

Slice through these memories

But until then Russian  Roulette is my game.

                                                     BANG

What my thougts dream when im awake

i lost myself in the emptiness of everything chasing nothing

thoughts of here finding there allude my being

sight is that of the blind

i have never been more lost then when i was found

to end was my begining

ideas play games of hide and seek with my mind

evade the truth and live in lies

everything can be said if words dont exist

happy is my loneliness

cuts across my wrist sing music to my skin

blood dance in the changing of the colors

hello to goodbyes i am not here

The Lif3 I G@ve

I raised my right hand and promised to defend

I told myself I would fight until the very end

as a young man I never thought time would pass me by

they told me I was important

a key factor in our team

they said know man left behind

we are brothers we are friends

I bled I cried I nearly died

and what is left for me

a farewell salute as my team travels along

and dog tags left as reminders across my neck

we were supposed to stay young forever

i was told i couldnt hurt

and now though when its said and done

my memories are the only part of me that works.

Goodbye America I will always love you